i’m going to ramble. sorry, but that’s the truth.
once again, i’m stuck in a haze of my own making. it’s been so often these past few months that i find myself in a fugue of alcohol, work and exhaustion.
it’s the only way i can sleep at night.
but the point of this is not to bitch. hell, it doesn’t even reallly have a cohesive point, but rather is an entry point into my efforts at blogging much more.
because, honestly, i feel like i need to write, force myself to do so, or i will go insane. or more so than i already am.
i wonder if anyone reads this. i do all the time. but such is the life of a somewhat cocky young male.
but to get back to the point, this blog post is about love.
then again, everything i write, ever, has been and always will be about love. no matter how sappy that may sound. divorce my conception of love from any hallmark card, saccharine sweet amalgamation thereof. rather, my love, is, as always, born of tears and moonlight, heartache and last breaths. such is and always will be my fate.
love is suffering.
or rather, love is the willingness, the degree to which, one is willing to suffer pain for another. because love is always painful. without suffering, it is meaningless. a mother, a father, they are always willing to suffer for their children, if one can ever deem them good parents.
misery shared is misery halved, or so the wise men say. it is the job of one who loves another to take upon themselves the burden of another’s adversity, and make it their own. because in so doing, they lessen the weight upon the object of their affection.
i’ve always loved with a strength beyond my small stature. is it any wonder then, that i know pain just as well?
i’m a depressive. have been all my life. always will be.
but i hope, pray, wish, that someday, i will be able to overcome the Darkness that stalks me in the night… but will nevertheless retain my capacity for love.
because without great suffering, without building that threshold for agonizing punsishment, a person cannot, and will not, ever be able to truly love another person. such is the fucked up heart of love.
oh and btw, thank you for all those who email me, comment here or hit me up on facebook to tell me they read the blog, and they want me to continue.
you allow me the belief that my work actually matters, that my thoughts count for something.
you keep me sane.