i think i think too much.
following thought strands up and down my brain, trying to make sense of it even as it tries to make sense of the world. how ridiculous doe that sound?
everything makes sense, because it doesn’t.
ill be jumping around. i’m sorry as a heads up, it’s just where my brain is right now.
music is so fucking clutch. i broke my earphones a bit back and hadn’t bought replacements for the longest time. having music, listening to it, vibing to it all the time, like i did for so long. i also got my hands on a 600 gig portable hard drive. which has made me reexplore music, looking for rando shit to fill up the drive and falling back in love with music, the sheer variety of good music once again. for the longest time i just listened to the same shit over and over again, but i realize life’s too short for that.
i’m a man, a boy, a human fucking being with so many faults. shit’s ridiculous. one of the many is an inclination to drink. the temptation to just say fuck it when things get bad, to jump feet first into the bottle and never look back gets overwhelming sometimes. alcohol is amazing cause it can do two things for the broken hearted soul, it can numb the hurt, make it go away for a short while. and sometimes, more importantly, it can let down the flood walls, allow one to give in to the overwhelming power of feeling, give up the fight temporarily and let the emotions flood through. and yes, this usually creates huge problems the next day, but i won’t lie and say it ain’t occasionally cathartic as hell.
and i can be an alcohol snob. fuck that, i am. but maybe thas so i don’t find myself buying a bottle of georgi and finding god at the bottom of it.
ok, im ending this before i get too maudlin. i’ll be back soon. i promise.
and if you believe that, you’re as deluded as anyone who’s ever loved me.